The “Good Boy” Complex: Are You Hooked on Everyone Else’s Approval?
By iKE ALLEN, Happy Healthy Dog Co-Founder
If you’ve ever owned a “praise junkie” dog, you know the look. You ask them to sit, and they do it—but they don’t just sit. They stare at you with wide, expectant eyes, tail vibrating, waiting for that magic phrase: “Good boy!” If you don’t say it, or if you don’t have a treat in your hand, they look absolutely crushed. It’s as if the sit didn’t even count unless you validated it.
It’s adorable in a pup, but in us humans, we call it the External Validation Trap. (That’s a mouthful)
We do something great at work, but we don’t feel successful until the boss sends an email. We wear a new outfit, but we don’t feel confident until someone gives us a compliment. Like a dog waiting for a biscuit, we spend a lot of our energy looking at the world, asking, “Did I do okay? Am I a good person yet?”
Why We Seek the “Mental Treat”
Seeking approval is a natural human instinct. We’re social creatures, and back in the day, being a “good member of the pack” meant safety. But in today’s world of likes, hearts, and performance reviews, it’s easy to become so focused on the praise that we lose touch with our own pride.
The problem with relying on “mental treats” from others is that if they’re having a bad day and forget to give us one, our self-worth takes a hit. We start to feel like the “bad dog” simply because the room stayed quiet.
[ReThink] Your Worth: Becoming Your Own Best Friend
Using the ReThink Method allows us to realize the most important “Good job!” is the one that comes from inside. When you learn to validate yourself, you’re no longer at the mercy of everyone else’s mood. You become a “self-rewarding” pup!
The [ReThink] Tool: The Private Tail-Wag
The next time you find yourself waiting for someone else to notice your hard work or your kindness, try this internal reset:
- The Invisible Win: Identify one small thing you did today that was “good,” but that nobody else saw. Maybe you were patient in traffic, or you finally tackled a chore you’ve been dreading.
- The Internal Reward: Instead of waiting for a “Good job!” from the outside, say it to yourself. (Literally! Give yourself a mental pat on the head.) How does it feel to be the source of your own praise?
- The “Why” Check: Ask yourself: “Would I still be proud of this if nobody ever found out I did it?” If the answer is yes, then that’s your true North. That’s where your real confidence lives.
The Bottom Line
Your dog doesn’t love you because you’re “perfect” or because you got a promotion; they love you because of the person you are when nobody else is looking.
It’s wonderful to be appreciated by others, but don’t let it be the only fuel in your tank. You are allowed to be proud of yourself just for showing up, just for trying, and just for being you. You don’t need a biscuit to be a “Good Human.” You already are one.
So, go ahead and give yourself a private tail-wag today. You’ve earned it!
