YOUR DOG HAS SOMETHING TO SAY – ARE YOU LISTENING?
By Tamara Tokash, Dog Lifestyle Consultant.
What Are Calming Signals?
Calming signals are a universal, body-based language that dogs use to express intent, reduce stress, and avoid conflict. Some are subtle, some more pronounced—but all are meaningful. Every dog is born with this ability. Some are more fluent than others, but all can speak it. And we can learn to read it—and even use it ourselves to help dogs feel safer and more at ease.
The term comes from Norwegian dog trainer Turid Rugaas, author of On Talking Terms with Dogs. I’ll admit, when I first heard her speak at a conference years ago, I was skeptical. But I gave it a try—with my own dogs, with client dogs, with rescues—and I still use these tools today. Rugaas taught that by observing a dog’s body language and gently responding in kind, we can immediately shift their emotional state.
Why It Matters
Dogs, like wolves, have a complex communication system rooted in conflict avoidance and social harmony. Calming signals help them manage energy, navigate relationships, and regulate themselves emotionally. Think of these signals as a dog’s built-in peacekeeping toolkit—a way of saying, “I mean no harm.”
Here’s the problem: wolves live in environments that support this natural communication. Dogs, on the other hand, live in our noisy, fast-paced world—often under constant low-grade stress. And when we expect dogs to meet our demands without teaching them how to cope, it can create anxiety, confusion, and even behavioral issues. That’s why these signals matter. They give us a window into how our dogs are really doing—and they give dogs a way to advocate for themselves.
Common Calming Signals to Watch For
- Play Bow – The classic “let’s play” pose. Often a friendly invitation or peace offering.
- Yawning – A self-soothing behavior that’s also contagious. Try it during stressful situations like vet visits.
- Head Turn – A subtle shift to the side to reduce pressure or avoid confrontation.
- Averting Eyes – A soft look away to signal peaceful intent.
- Soft Eyes – Dreamy, relaxed eyes that say, “I’m not a threat.”
- Freezing – A full-body stillness, often indicating uncertainty or discomfort.
- Curving – Dogs rarely walk directly at each other. A curved approach diffuses tension.
- Lip Licking – Quick flicks of the tongue to soothe or de-escalate.
- Walking Slowly – A deliberate way of softening their energy.
- Sniffing the Ground – Sometimes exaggerated, used to shift focus and avoid conflict.
- Sitting – In context, sitting can signal peace or disengagement in social situations.
What You Can Do
Start by observing your dog closely. What’s their personal communication style? Go from nose to tail. Learn their signals—when they’re relaxed, when they’re stressed, and how they respond to changes in their environment. You can also use calming signals yourself to lower your dog’s stress and build trust. These small gestures go a long way:
- Yawn in moments of tension.
- Turn your head slightly instead of facing them directly.
- Avoid strong eye contact when your dog seems uneasy.
- Approach in a curve, not head-on.
And perhaps most importantly: calm yourself first. Dogs are masters at reading us. When we regulate ourselves, we make it easier for them to do the same. This reciprocity is quiet, beautiful, and powerful.
We always have a choice in how we respond. We can be reactive—or we can pause, get curious, and respond with softness. I’m a big believer in the pause button. Whether you’re working with dogs, horses, or people, it changes everything.
Final Thought
Understanding calming signals is like being handed a decoder ring to your dog’s inner world. It’s subtle, layered, and deeply rewarding. Your dog is already speaking this language. Now you can speak it too.
Bonus Tip: Context Is Everything
Calming signals don’t exist in a vacuum. A single yawn might mean a dog is sleepy. But yawning plus turning away, plus walking slowly in a tense environment? That’s a dog saying: “I’m not comfortable.”
Dogs often stack calming signals—layering one on top of another. The more you notice these clusters, the more accurately you can interpret what your dog is trying to tell you.
And when you listen, your relationship transforms.
Because your dog is talking. And now—you’re ready to hear them!
Tamara Tokash, Dog Lifestyle Expert and creator of The Art of Living with a Dog, provides transformational wellness guidance for both people and their dogs. Her evidence-based approach fosters a harmonious, healthy life on both ends of the leash. Explore her wellness bundles to deepen your journey together: https://tamaratokash.com/bundle/
