Looking Beyond Rewards and Training: Building Genuine Relationships with Dogs

By Rebecca Hanlon: The Dog Witch.

In recent years, there has been a significant shift in how we approach the psychology of children. Historically, motivation was often viewed through the lens of rewards. And this operant approach is one we cling onto when working with dogs. However, contemporary understanding acknowledges that relying solely on external rewards can lead to increased anxiety, decreased autonomy, and a lack of genuine connection. This paradigm shift in child psychology can be applied to our relationships with dogs as well, emphasizing the importance of building genuine bonds beyond just training and rewards.

While rewarding desired behaviour can be effective in the short term, an overreliance on rewards can have unintended consequences. For instance, dogs may become anxious if they constantly anticipate rewards and are unsure when they will come. This constant expectation can lead to stress. Additionally, when dogs are conditioned to expect rewards for every action, they may lose their ability to make independent choices, resulting in a lack of autonomy and always reliant on direction. Relationships built on transactional exchanges, such as giving treats for compliance, often lack the depth and authenticity needed for a strong bond. It also starts to take away the beauty of giving without the need to receive. Constantly giving in expectation of something in return.

I regularly see in my clients who come to me for aggression problems or fear behaviours that the over using of food rewards has often interfered with their natural processing abilities and their ability to resolve conflict without extreme management. Dogs may focus solely on obtaining food, preventing them from fully processing their environment and understanding the underlying causes of their reactions. Using food to lure dogs into uncomfortable situations can push them through fear, causing internal conflict. For instance, a dog may approach a feared person for food, despite being scared, leading to stress and confusion.

To build deeper, more meaningful relationships with dogs, we can draw parallels from the evolving understanding of child psychology. Spending quality time with your dog doing activities they enjoy, like walking or playing, without the expectation of a reward, fosters a sense of companionship and trust. Gentle petting, brushing, and cuddling create a sense of security and affection without the need for treats. Observing and understanding your dog’s body language and responding appropriately build mutual respect and understanding. Allowing your dog to have alone time when they need it shows empathy and respect for their boundaries.

While operant conditioning can be a useful tool, it can also be manipulative if not used carefully. It’s essential to strike a balance between training and genuine relationship-building. Its important to be aware that not only punishment is used in abusive relationships but positive reinforcement is often used too.

Instead of relying solely on training and rewards, we need to start focusing on building relationships through genuine interactions. Engage in activities that you both enjoy, such as hiking, swimming or having a lazy day watching Netflix and sharing food without asking for a behaviour. Provide affection, attention, and care without expecting anything in return, building trust and deepening our bond. Using gentle touch and massage with our dogs consent and a soothing voice to communicate love and reassurance. Allowing our dogs to make choices and explore their environment, empowering them as individuals and learning about them through observation. Understanding their needs and why they behave the way they do is the corner stone of understanding how to support and respond. Letting go of this societal need for constant control and obedience. I think we have enough of that between humans, we really don’t need it in our relationship with dogs.

Safety is of course important and can often be supported through effective management. Creating environments where your dog can safely explore and learn without unnecessary stress. setting them up for success. Understanding that not every interaction needs to be perfect allows your dog to make mistakes and learn from them. It is important to keep our dogs as stress free as possible but not to the point that they never learn how to cope with it themselves.

Asking ourselves difficult questions about our approach to dog care is vital for growth. Are we truly understanding and meeting our dogs’ needs? Are we creating genuine connections, or are we relying too heavily on outcomes and rewards? By reflecting on these questions, we can continue to evolve in our understanding of dogs and their needs.

In conclusion, moving beyond rewards and training to focus on building genuine relationships with dogs leads to a deeper, more fulfilling bond. By adopting a holistic approach that emphasizes understanding, empathy, and mutual respect, we can create a harmonious and enriching life with our canine companions. Training should be like sport, fun for all that want to do it, but it isn’t at the core of who you and your dog are together. There are plenty of untrained dogs in this world, in happy relationships with humans. I delve even deeper into this topic with my webinar and start to support people to live with their dogs as equals in their family, not robots in their house.

Rebecca is a level 6 behaviour practitioner and whole well-being consultant. After 30 yrs of supporting both humans and dogs she understands how important a whole body and mind approach is. https://www.thedogwitchwholehealthandbehaviour.com/